Sometime life plays out perfectly. Other times...well, other times...
Other times things don't go exactly as planned or hoped for.
I wrote a blog post back in July - coming upon a year ago - about some things I was waiting for. Well, all of those things have now reached their resolution. But first...
I was talking about "disposition" to my students today, an abstract concept difficult to make concrete. I likened the difference between disposition and mood to the difference between climate and weather.
I don't know if they got it. (Ironically enough, I am self-diagnosed as having a moody disposition).
I am very affected by my circumstances.
I do not like this about myself, but it is who I am. Not that I'm making excuses not to change, but I find trying to change like trying to swim upstream against a current much stronger than myself. The end result is always the same. I get tired. I give up. I go with the current.
All that being said, part of my disposition is believing that when things are going too well, something's bound to go wrong.
Maybe it's part of my disposition because it usually proves to be true.
Case in point:
A few months ago I wrote about my dream coming true of becoming a published author. Mere weeks after my book finally came out, my publisher received a serious medical diagnosis. Although her very positive attitude (her disposition, as it is), prompted her to proclaim that she hoped to be back on her feet by August, I had a sinking feeling. A feeling that was corroborated a few weeks ago when I received a letter from her stating that she was closing her doors. It is not as though my dream has lasted only four months - after all, I will forever be a published author, that doesn't change - but I now face either selling my remaining inventory and being done, or somehow finding another publisher. Just not quite how I thought this would play out.
Circumstance number two:
I will not fill you in on all the details of my property battle, since I wrote about it here and here, so you can go back and get filled in if you want. And, quite honestly, I'm sick of the subject. Well, as of today, it is over. I settled with the title company for a few thousand less than what I wanted, but, knowing they weren't going to offer me any more, and just wanting this done, I accepted. Unfortunately, I gained none of my property back in the process, which means we're just going to have to move the fence when the weather warms up (which still won't net me all of it, since the neighbors' house is over the line and I can't do anything about that), and then sit back and enjoy the fireworks I know will be set off between us and them, since they still think I'm the one encroaching on their property.
Circumstance number three:
Back at the beginning of December, I wrote about my fiance's ex-wife, who is certifiable (I have even more - recent - proof than what I mentioned there, but that's another blog post). Unfortunately, because of her insane behavior being compounded by a 9 year old daughter that has a lying problem (often directed at me), we had to go with Plan B for the 9yo's spring break, which mostly included my boys and I not having any contact with said child. While much of her time will be spent with her older brother and sister here, it does also mean that my man is away from home while he spends time with her. It's unfortunate, how some people just don't understand or care how lying and being generally immoral erodes away at relationships. Fortunately, we only have to make this concession for a couple days, as it was originally supposed to be quite a few longer, but a blizzard-induced shut-down at DIA delayed her arrival, so I am tying to be thankful rather than resentful. I wish I could say I was successful. In truth, I am only moderately so.
And the final circumstance:
Since the trip I took to Spain and Morocco back in the summer of 2013, I have been wanting desperately to return to the latter country. I spent only three days there, and it was just a tease. My man and I were planning to go back this summer. Unfortunately, a major snag in the plan - Ramadan falls during our travel window, and hunting around for food for almost two weeks did not sound like a fun adventure to add to our vacation - meant another Plan B. So, we decided to head somewhere else - which I am completely excited about, probably even moreso than Morocco, but it has left me wondering when I will get back there... Things change so quickly in our world these days that it may not be safe much longer. In the meantime, though, we are trying to up our gym time to prepare to climb a mountain in our as-of-yet unreleased-to-the-public destination.
I am left hoping the few things that are still amazing - the love I've found, my children, my health and the health of my loved ones, my job - remain untouched for a while. It's not like the disappointments I wrote about are huge by any means (in fact, I do realize they're first-world problems), but my disposition is crying for a reprieve for a while, at least until these issues are worked out.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Ski Day!
We took the boys skiing yesterday at Monarch. It was the first time for both of them. My parents were awesome and bought them a package for Christmas that included lessons, lift tickets, and gear rental. Of course, I still had to buy $200 worth of clothing earlier in the month to get them ready for this - but I'm glad I did, as temps were in the 20's! Luckily the sun was shining!
Early morning breakfast. We stayed with my brother and his girlfriend outside of Salida, so the suggested arrival time of 8am was doable.
Both boys were so excited. We were some of the first people there, so there was a lot of time between gearing up and the start of lessons. They couldn't wait to get on their skiis!
The moon was still up!
Benjamin had been asking to learn to ski for a couple months, so he was ready for his lessons. Josiah was very hesitant. He didn't like the idea of us leaving him alone with a bunch of people he didn't know. But when I checked on him at lunchtime, he was having a blast and was fine. We caught a glimpse of him on the "magic carpet" once as we were going up a lift, and he just zoomed right down the bunny slope! When we picked him up, his instructor said he needed to work on turning, because he just wanted to go straight down the hill (just like my brother when he was little!).
Selfie on top of the Continental Divide.
SO pretty up there!
Ariel had not skied in about 11 years, and for me it was over 20. Thankfully, it all came back to me, and I didn't fall once. I can't say the same for my handsome man, though!
At 2:30 we picked up the boys from their lessons and had time for about three runs with them down the slopes. With them being a little steeper than the bunny slope, Josiah was forced to learn to turn a bit. He certainly didn't like the chairlift the first time, and clung onto it for dear life. All three times he got off, he fell, but only lost a ski the first time.
Selfie on the chairlift with Benjamin.
Everyone had a blast - we'll definitely be going back again soon!
Teen Room Makeover
One of Benjamin's gifts this year was a room makeover. Everything in his room was so mismatched, and I thought it was time for that to change, and for his room to have a bit more personality.
He had purchased this chair at a thrift store a few months ago. It was the ugly mauve color you see still on the seat. I bought a few bottles of dye and spent a day dying it - which involved scrubbing the dye into all the cracks and crevices, which is not easy on a chair like this. I liken it to trying to dye a shar pei puppy!
Another thing I did was paint this bookcase, which had been red and orange for probably a decade, to a royal blue.
This is a "before" of the room - although we were already in the process of painting, so it's a mess.
Here's the "after."
We painted the top portion of his walls gray, with a thin black border underneath.
The chair and bookcase, done.
Christmas 2015
Just a few glimpses into our Christmas.
Our tree.
Tess and her boyfriend.
Christmas dinner at Mom and Dad's.
Our family. Even Tess smiled!
Me and my brother.
It took three people to wrangle all the dogs
(some of whom don't like each other too much) for this picture.
A gorgeous Christmas bouquet from one of my students.
How lucky I feel when I get to see my best friend from high school! She lives in Canada, so it's always a treat when she's here!
We took the boys to see the Colorado Springs Youth Ballet and Symphony perform the Nutcracker. It was the first time Benjamin had seen the ballet since he was four, and Josiah had never seen it. I learned afterward, that it had been Ariel's first ballet as well!
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Dream
Some dreams take time.
Decades, perhaps.
Sometimes we wait, hoping the opportunity will present itself.
And then, sometimes, you realize you need to make the opportunity show up.
I learned this over the past year.
I also learned there is no time like now.
Sometimes now is the time to say, "It's time." Now is the time to start heading toward your dream. Now is the time to make a plan to make it happen. Now is the time to start pulling it toward you.
Like a bucket on the end of a string that you raise from a well.
A well of full.
A bucket of overflowing.
At some point
You have to get to the point
Where the time for saying "someday" is over.
Someday may never come knocking on your door calling, "It's time! I'm here!"
I've learned that Someday doesn't like stopping by without an invitation.
So when you do finally get around to inviting her (or him) over, have her in for tea - a sip of something warm - and some good conversation. Conversation that might go like this:
"I've always wanted to..."
"What have you been waiting for?"
"Well, umm, I've been waiting for you."
"What took you so long to ask me? Let's get started."
And you'll realize, like I did, that it was up to you all along.
And then, as things start to fall into place, you'll wonder if it's always been that easy. And before you know it, you will have no words to describe everything. Because it's almost impossible to describe how it feels when a dream comes true.
Where do you even start?
Do you start with how long you've had the dream? Or why? Or all the things that have led up to it coming true? Or how the last month (while you waited for the final product) passed like molasses?
No. You just smile really big and try not to jump out of your skin.
My dream has been to publish.
And now I have.
I will no longer say, "Someday I will write a book," or "I've always wanted to..."
Now.
I AM a writer (FYI, having my own ISBN number is pretty much the ultimate high).
A published author.
Now and forevermore.
If you want a copy, please email me (backtothebay1@gmail.com). They're 14.95 + tax + however much it costs me to ship it to you. Around $20 total.
What's your dream?
Don't wait too long.
Decades, perhaps.
Sometimes we wait, hoping the opportunity will present itself.
And then, sometimes, you realize you need to make the opportunity show up.
I learned this over the past year.
I also learned there is no time like now.
Sometimes now is the time to say, "It's time." Now is the time to start heading toward your dream. Now is the time to make a plan to make it happen. Now is the time to start pulling it toward you.
Like a bucket on the end of a string that you raise from a well.
A well of full.
A bucket of overflowing.
At some point
You have to get to the point
Where the time for saying "someday" is over.
Someday may never come knocking on your door calling, "It's time! I'm here!"
I've learned that Someday doesn't like stopping by without an invitation.
So when you do finally get around to inviting her (or him) over, have her in for tea - a sip of something warm - and some good conversation. Conversation that might go like this:
"I've always wanted to..."
"What have you been waiting for?"
"Well, umm, I've been waiting for you."
"What took you so long to ask me? Let's get started."
And you'll realize, like I did, that it was up to you all along.
And then, as things start to fall into place, you'll wonder if it's always been that easy. And before you know it, you will have no words to describe everything. Because it's almost impossible to describe how it feels when a dream comes true.
Where do you even start?
Do you start with how long you've had the dream? Or why? Or all the things that have led up to it coming true? Or how the last month (while you waited for the final product) passed like molasses?
No. You just smile really big and try not to jump out of your skin.
My dream has been to publish.
And now I have.
I will no longer say, "Someday I will write a book," or "I've always wanted to..."
Now.
I AM a writer (FYI, having my own ISBN number is pretty much the ultimate high).
A published author.
Now and forevermore.
If you want a copy, please email me (backtothebay1@gmail.com). They're 14.95 + tax + however much it costs me to ship it to you. Around $20 total.
What's your dream?
Don't wait too long.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Some People Part II
Back in September of 2013 I wrote a post about a couple people in my life that were a bit kray-kray.
But the person I'm going to tell you about today makes them look like lambs. Kitties. Butterflies.
Oddly enough, this person is not someone I know. But she is in my life just the same - in a phantom-y sort of way.
She is my fiancee's ex.
She is one of the ugliest people I don't know. She is full of hate, spite, and an insatiable need to make his life miserable.
*She is threatening (Her 7yo daughter (at the time) lied to her and said I pinched her. She threatened to report me to CPS).
*She is manipulative (saying things to him like "we do not and will not owe each other any monies (zero, zero, and zero)," Not being specific about what those zeros mean (and thinking he is stupid and won't know) hoping to "trick" him into agreeing to give up what the federal government has given him by right (she meant child support, spousal maintenance, and retirement).
*She is selfish (always taking him to back to court to better her financial situation by benefiting from him. She claims she wants to "move on with life" but she obviously doesn't know how to take care of herself. To top that off, she continues to say he's the one that's money-hungry).
*She is greedy (last week she collected money from him for the daughter's unaccompanied-minor plane ticket, then flew out here and back with her, so basically he paid for her vacation).
*She has taught people close to her to lie and cover up for her (the younger daughter has started to say, "I'm not supposed to share personal information" when she and dad are just exchanging casual conversation, but she's worried about remembering exactly what mom told her was or was not OK to share. The older daughter also lied continuously throughout the week including, but not limited to, driving back from Denver in a snowstorm with the younger girl, thus making Dad worry, when Mom was actually with them; telling him he had to meet her somewhere other than her house because, "I have things to pick up anyway," but then when mom is not back with her car in time, she says, "OK, come to the house. I can't meet you where we'd planned because 'my friend Angie' is borrowing my car." It is quite sad that the trade-off is worth it to her: encouraging lying daughters just so she can go on thinking she's in control.
*She is vindictive (wasting the court's time with shallow accusations. Thankfully judges have often seen through her bullshit).
*She is hypocritical and highly misled about religion (she goes to church and ends her emails with "God bless," but do we need any more than the above examples to prove that it must somehow make her feel better to think she's got God on her side? She is quite mistaken about who God is and what her relationship with Him is supposed to look like).
Well, we may not need any more examples, but I'm going to give you a few more anyway.
* The first actual proven case he has of her cheating on him was with the babysitter. The female babysitter. Yep, it's on video.
*She took him to get a vasectomy one afternoon, then left him that night.
*She complains to everyone (including the courts) about the "poverty" she is living in, but she's doing anything she can to get as much money from him as possible. This is including, but not limited to, building a new house, enrolling the daughter in a school that costs her $541/month, not finding a job for the past five months, and owning a house that months ago she kicked the main renters out of and is renting one of her smaller units at a loss.
The sad thing about a woman like this is that her ugliness shows. She thinks she is hiding it. She thinks people can't see it. But I, who have never even met her, can see it. I can see it on her face in photos, I can see it in her every action, I can see it in the way she allows herself to respond to him, and I can see her influence in the daughters she's raised/is raising.
The other sad thing (although I'm sure there are many more) is that she thinks she's making him unhappy. I'm sure that in her puny peanut brain she probably spends/wastes much time running scenarios of how miserable we are, and what else she can do to make us so. In reality, she is a blip on our radar. Neither he nor I have ever been so happy. We are so rich (in every sense but the literal one) that we don't have time for these things she places so much importance on. In fact, the most recent thing she did to him to "get him," although it sucked to go through, brought about some Aha moments that I would not trade. All her anger and animosity is self-poison. I do hope she likes drinking it, because there's so much of it she'll never sober up.
While we just get stronger.
Bottoms up, Queen of Crazy. I refuse to drink with you.
But the person I'm going to tell you about today makes them look like lambs. Kitties. Butterflies.
Oddly enough, this person is not someone I know. But she is in my life just the same - in a phantom-y sort of way.
She is my fiancee's ex.
She is one of the ugliest people I don't know. She is full of hate, spite, and an insatiable need to make his life miserable.
*She is threatening (Her 7yo daughter (at the time) lied to her and said I pinched her. She threatened to report me to CPS).
*She is manipulative (saying things to him like "we do not and will not owe each other any monies (zero, zero, and zero)," Not being specific about what those zeros mean (and thinking he is stupid and won't know) hoping to "trick" him into agreeing to give up what the federal government has given him by right (she meant child support, spousal maintenance, and retirement).
*She is selfish (always taking him to back to court to better her financial situation by benefiting from him. She claims she wants to "move on with life" but she obviously doesn't know how to take care of herself. To top that off, she continues to say he's the one that's money-hungry).
*She is greedy (last week she collected money from him for the daughter's unaccompanied-minor plane ticket, then flew out here and back with her, so basically he paid for her vacation).
*She has taught people close to her to lie and cover up for her (the younger daughter has started to say, "I'm not supposed to share personal information" when she and dad are just exchanging casual conversation, but she's worried about remembering exactly what mom told her was or was not OK to share. The older daughter also lied continuously throughout the week including, but not limited to, driving back from Denver in a snowstorm with the younger girl, thus making Dad worry, when Mom was actually with them; telling him he had to meet her somewhere other than her house because, "I have things to pick up anyway," but then when mom is not back with her car in time, she says, "OK, come to the house. I can't meet you where we'd planned because 'my friend Angie' is borrowing my car." It is quite sad that the trade-off is worth it to her: encouraging lying daughters just so she can go on thinking she's in control.
*She is vindictive (wasting the court's time with shallow accusations. Thankfully judges have often seen through her bullshit).
*She is hypocritical and highly misled about religion (she goes to church and ends her emails with "God bless," but do we need any more than the above examples to prove that it must somehow make her feel better to think she's got God on her side? She is quite mistaken about who God is and what her relationship with Him is supposed to look like).
Well, we may not need any more examples, but I'm going to give you a few more anyway.
* The first actual proven case he has of her cheating on him was with the babysitter. The female babysitter. Yep, it's on video.
*She took him to get a vasectomy one afternoon, then left him that night.
*She complains to everyone (including the courts) about the "poverty" she is living in, but she's doing anything she can to get as much money from him as possible. This is including, but not limited to, building a new house, enrolling the daughter in a school that costs her $541/month, not finding a job for the past five months, and owning a house that months ago she kicked the main renters out of and is renting one of her smaller units at a loss.
The sad thing about a woman like this is that her ugliness shows. She thinks she is hiding it. She thinks people can't see it. But I, who have never even met her, can see it. I can see it on her face in photos, I can see it in her every action, I can see it in the way she allows herself to respond to him, and I can see her influence in the daughters she's raised/is raising.
The other sad thing (although I'm sure there are many more) is that she thinks she's making him unhappy. I'm sure that in her puny peanut brain she probably spends/wastes much time running scenarios of how miserable we are, and what else she can do to make us so. In reality, she is a blip on our radar. Neither he nor I have ever been so happy. We are so rich (in every sense but the literal one) that we don't have time for these things she places so much importance on. In fact, the most recent thing she did to him to "get him," although it sucked to go through, brought about some Aha moments that I would not trade. All her anger and animosity is self-poison. I do hope she likes drinking it, because there's so much of it she'll never sober up.
While we just get stronger.
Bottoms up, Queen of Crazy. I refuse to drink with you.
Friday, July 17, 2015
What You Don't Know Can Hurt You
There's been some rain around here this spring/summer.
Some.
Some as in, my class of fifth graders went outside for recess three times in the month of May.
Three.
In the last month of school.
Believe me, it was awful.
The teachers were all crying...
But seriously, the last week of school is when the students make up in extra recess for all the time that's been taken from them the rest of the year.
It has continued to rain since then, sometimes our normal 20 minute afternoon showers, and sometimes not. Naturally, this has affected rock climbing. We have to stay off wet sandstone in the neighborhood, and my favorite climbing area, 45 minutes away, has been closed at times due to flooding of the river in the canyon. So we've been trying to get used to a local granite canyon, one of our only close options after a storm. We've been there twice now, weren't thrilled with the place the first time, but the second time was sure a doozy:
We got to the wall, and there was no one else climbing there.
That should have been our first clue.
Especially because in the guidebook most of the climbs were listed as 5.7s and 5.8s - perfectly climbable for most people.
The author did say in the guidebook that, in his opinion, most of the climbs were sandbags.
I didn't know what that meant.
Until later.
So I roped up for the first climb, listed as a 5.8 in the book. I'm going to spare you most of the details. Let's just say I didn't really climb that route. I did manage to get to the top, but it was mostly by "cheating" - i.e. using the quick draws to pull myself up and the bolts to step on for most of the way. I can definitely say it was the hardest climb I've ever completed, and no fun on top of that. My man wanted to lead it once I was done, but I convinced him not to, and boy was he glad I did. There was literally nothing to hang onto on that rock.
Needless to say, we got home and I immediately went to the computer to look up what the term "sandbag" meant. It means that a route is given a rating much lower than it actually is. Lovely.
When my favorite canyon opened again, we were back up there as soon as possible, which was last weekend. However, many other climbers had the same idea, so we didn't have our choice of routes. Some guy pointed us to a couple routes that weren't in the guidebook, one which he said he thought was about a 5.8. We located it, and realized we'd climbed half of it about a year ago. We had had to bail off it because of weather. This time it was time to finish it. We both led it easily, and then Ariel wanted to do the route to the left of it, also not in the guidebook. The guy next to us had not attempted it because he said it looked more difficult, but Ariel really wanted to try. He headed up and got the first two bolts clipped, but after trying and trying, just couldn't climb any higher. While I was watching him struggle, the only thing I kept thinking was, "After climbing the "sandbag" route, I think I can do pretty much anything. So he came down and I headed up. At first commentary, I want to say I got up the route with no problem, but that's not true. I climbed that route just like I climb most of them - with my legs shaking and scared and worried I'm going to fall and out of breath... But what constitutes a "no problem" route vs. a problem one is that if it's a route that gives me problems, I seriously don't know that I'm not going to take a bad fall, be unable to finish, or think imna die. I never felt like I didn't have control on that climb. Hence, no problem. I finished it, he top-roped it, and we headed home.
Once again I got on the computer as soon as we walked in the door to look up the routes on Mountain Project. Sure enough, the one was listed as a 5.8+. The other? A solid 5.10. Now, I'm pretty sure I've led a .10 or two before, but they have been few and far between. I was amazed that this had been a .10, and I'd climbed it relatively easily (and my ego's been doing pretty well since then).
I've been thinking lately about how physical activity - climbing, especially - and age relate. Maybe this is a generalization, but I think people get more cautious with age. For instance, I am absolutely terrified of falling on ice. Not while ice skating, mind you, but while walking. In my driveway, across a parking lot... So I move very cautiously when it's icy.
Anyway... I've climbed with people in their 70s who are still leading fairly difficult routes. For me, although (and last weekend is proof) I can still physically climb well, I've noticed the mental part of climbing is getting to me more than it used to. And believe me, if you've never climbed, the mental part is well over half of what determines how well and what you climb. I've sometimes wondered how much longer I'll be able to do it, because as I get older I get more afraid, and fear is debilitating. I don't want to start climbing like I walk across ice.
So I needed last weekend. I needed that 5.10. I guess I even needed the sandbag route. I needed to know that I can still climb hard. I'm not happy with the lack of information I had either time. I'm not sure I'll tackle a route again when it's described with a word I don't know the meaning of. I'm not sure how often I'll tackle a route again that I don't know the rating of. Climbing is dangerous enough even with all the information you need. What you don't know can seriously hurt you. But in both these cases, what I didn't know didn't hurt me at all - it showed me that my fear is perhaps quite needless and, like most things mental, just needs to be looked at from a different perspective. Preferably a higher one. :-)
Some.
Some as in, my class of fifth graders went outside for recess three times in the month of May.
Three.
In the last month of school.
Believe me, it was awful.
The teachers were all crying...
But seriously, the last week of school is when the students make up in extra recess for all the time that's been taken from them the rest of the year.
It has continued to rain since then, sometimes our normal 20 minute afternoon showers, and sometimes not. Naturally, this has affected rock climbing. We have to stay off wet sandstone in the neighborhood, and my favorite climbing area, 45 minutes away, has been closed at times due to flooding of the river in the canyon. So we've been trying to get used to a local granite canyon, one of our only close options after a storm. We've been there twice now, weren't thrilled with the place the first time, but the second time was sure a doozy:
We got to the wall, and there was no one else climbing there.
That should have been our first clue.
Especially because in the guidebook most of the climbs were listed as 5.7s and 5.8s - perfectly climbable for most people.
The author did say in the guidebook that, in his opinion, most of the climbs were sandbags.
I didn't know what that meant.
Until later.
So I roped up for the first climb, listed as a 5.8 in the book. I'm going to spare you most of the details. Let's just say I didn't really climb that route. I did manage to get to the top, but it was mostly by "cheating" - i.e. using the quick draws to pull myself up and the bolts to step on for most of the way. I can definitely say it was the hardest climb I've ever completed, and no fun on top of that. My man wanted to lead it once I was done, but I convinced him not to, and boy was he glad I did. There was literally nothing to hang onto on that rock.
Needless to say, we got home and I immediately went to the computer to look up what the term "sandbag" meant. It means that a route is given a rating much lower than it actually is. Lovely.
When my favorite canyon opened again, we were back up there as soon as possible, which was last weekend. However, many other climbers had the same idea, so we didn't have our choice of routes. Some guy pointed us to a couple routes that weren't in the guidebook, one which he said he thought was about a 5.8. We located it, and realized we'd climbed half of it about a year ago. We had had to bail off it because of weather. This time it was time to finish it. We both led it easily, and then Ariel wanted to do the route to the left of it, also not in the guidebook. The guy next to us had not attempted it because he said it looked more difficult, but Ariel really wanted to try. He headed up and got the first two bolts clipped, but after trying and trying, just couldn't climb any higher. While I was watching him struggle, the only thing I kept thinking was, "After climbing the "sandbag" route, I think I can do pretty much anything. So he came down and I headed up. At first commentary, I want to say I got up the route with no problem, but that's not true. I climbed that route just like I climb most of them - with my legs shaking and scared and worried I'm going to fall and out of breath... But what constitutes a "no problem" route vs. a problem one is that if it's a route that gives me problems, I seriously don't know that I'm not going to take a bad fall, be unable to finish, or think imna die. I never felt like I didn't have control on that climb. Hence, no problem. I finished it, he top-roped it, and we headed home.
Once again I got on the computer as soon as we walked in the door to look up the routes on Mountain Project. Sure enough, the one was listed as a 5.8+. The other? A solid 5.10. Now, I'm pretty sure I've led a .10 or two before, but they have been few and far between. I was amazed that this had been a .10, and I'd climbed it relatively easily (and my ego's been doing pretty well since then).
I've been thinking lately about how physical activity - climbing, especially - and age relate. Maybe this is a generalization, but I think people get more cautious with age. For instance, I am absolutely terrified of falling on ice. Not while ice skating, mind you, but while walking. In my driveway, across a parking lot... So I move very cautiously when it's icy.
Anyway... I've climbed with people in their 70s who are still leading fairly difficult routes. For me, although (and last weekend is proof) I can still physically climb well, I've noticed the mental part of climbing is getting to me more than it used to. And believe me, if you've never climbed, the mental part is well over half of what determines how well and what you climb. I've sometimes wondered how much longer I'll be able to do it, because as I get older I get more afraid, and fear is debilitating. I don't want to start climbing like I walk across ice.
So I needed last weekend. I needed that 5.10. I guess I even needed the sandbag route. I needed to know that I can still climb hard. I'm not happy with the lack of information I had either time. I'm not sure I'll tackle a route again when it's described with a word I don't know the meaning of. I'm not sure how often I'll tackle a route again that I don't know the rating of. Climbing is dangerous enough even with all the information you need. What you don't know can seriously hurt you. But in both these cases, what I didn't know didn't hurt me at all - it showed me that my fear is perhaps quite needless and, like most things mental, just needs to be looked at from a different perspective. Preferably a higher one. :-)
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